I am the one if in a crowd of 1000 will have a birdie poo poo on them.
The one that gets out with a group and walks into a restaurant following the same path all the others are following and will step in a wad of gum.
Drink a pepsi out of a can on a first date and have a wasp, that was hiding in the said can, sting her lip, making it swell to ginormous proportions.
Walk out of a restroom on a cruise ship with her cute sundress tucked tidily in her panties.
Get into a car wreck on what was to be a short jaunt down the road, attired in a house robe and towel on the head.
Let alone the things that accidentally come out of my mouth, like I shared in this past post if you will click here……..
Get the picture?
That is why this picture evokes strong memories for me.
Painful ones actually.
Let me share……….
The Hazard Family had taken a camping trip in the Mountains and Lakes of Tennessee.
Wonderful time……vacation had ended and we began our caravan of boats, campers, trailers and vehicles down the winding mountain.
All was good until my sweet baby girl began to “feel” the winding mountains from the back seat.
Nauseau kicked in……..
and windows were rolled down hoping the fresh air would lessen the nauseau.Â
We stopped frantically on the side of the road with our boat jutting out in the winding blind spot of other drivers and jumped out to get our sick seven year old baby girl out of the back seat.
We were too late……….
Without going into details….it was everywhere.
We were at the back of the family pack and realized we would need to make a quick detour at the only store in the area……Dollar General and get some cleaners to try to get the sweet smell out of the car for our upcoming 18 hour drive.
We got a handy dandy plastic bottle of wipes like the above picture. It wasn’t long after they had come out and the interior lids were different. Just a circle with spindly little plastic hole in the center.
Remember those? Our diaper wipes came like that too. You would reach in to get. Get your finger painfully stuck and yank it out as fast as you can. Getting that first wipe if you didn’t take the whole top off was PAINFUL.
Well….this time it was a little more painful than usual.
Remember….keep in mind, that if it is going to happen it will happen to me.
My children’s daddy went in as I was pulling out blankets…..books……..snacks etc. that were “slimed” and purchased cleaners.
I took the cleaner as soon as he came out and rapidly stuck my finger in the center to get the first wipe out……..
And……….my finger got stuck…….
I went to yank………
and it wouldn’t come out.
Then the pain hit.
I don’t mean like…..”Dang….that hurts”……..but pain like “OMG this is the WORST PAIN OF MY LIFE INCLUDING CHILDBIRTH!!!!”Â
Childrens daddy said……..”Ummmmmm….you are pasty white…..how bad is it?”
He tried to finagle the plastic tips bringing on excruciating pain and my finger began rapidly swelling keeping us from even being able to cut the prongs on the lid with the knife he had to run in and buy .
I was holding my finger in the air, with a Lysol lid attached and about to lose consciousness, literally, and we were clueless what to do.Â
My finger was ginormous, getting bigger……..and blue. My face was at this point green and the pain was hideous.
So we did all we knew to do.
We put ourselves back in our puke car with boat and tent and coolers and all other redneck stuff attached and looked for an emergency medical center.
We found the only one there.
We walked into a full waiting room……of cranky mountain people……and a cranky mountain nurse lifted her head…………
And I humiliatingly said…….
Ummmmmm…………..”I need help”.
I lifted my blue “ginormous” finger with lysol lid wrapped snugly around and about fainted in front of her.
She jumped up franticly and ran and got a doctor.
The whole waiting room stirred to attention…..and gathered around…..this new girl in town…
And the doctor……..came out to see for himself.
And as he went to touch………I about fainted again.
He took me back immediately to a room………examined me and said.
“Either way I have to do this……..it is going to hurt like heck”……..
Thanks for your wonderful assurance Mr. doctor and by the way….great bedside manner.
And of course he was saying this with about fifteen giggling nurses and doctors clustered around.Â
All of them saying they had never seen anything like that before.Â
Thank you Dr.’s and Nurses.
And I was thinking incoherently.
“Please….just kill me…….why does this stuff happen to me”……
I was holding my swollen, blue, appendage in the air,Â wrapped in a lysol tub lid, while two nurses and a doctor gingerly held it and were walking around it puzzled.
And while my family hid in the waiting room……humiliated.
The doctor gave me two choices:
The lovely choices were: We will snip as close to the plastic as possible and we will cut your skin or we will yank it off and hold you down, it will be excruciating and it will rip your skin………
The room was spinning…..my ears were ringing….I was about to hurl……and I was humiliated.
I chose the first……….
As soon as he snipped skin and lid….all the pain lessened……..and I could feel the blood coming back to my face.
Especially as it was rushing to my face in humiliation as I could now see through unclouded eyes the crowd that had formed in my room.
The doctor chuckled……..asked me if I wanted the lid….which I quickly refused and I wobbily jumped up and thanked him profusely.
They didn’t charge me.
Probably because he is making millions on me on youtube or some medical journal.
We quickly left and eventually caught up with my family.
Whose only comments were.
“It would only happen to you.”
And, of course…….it did.
I believe you all should thank me for the safer lids that all of these crazy containers come with.
You can think of me now every time you reach into one.