Do you remember when I said……

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Well…….
Forgive me Lord…..
For real.
I wanted to……I really did…….
But I wanted mine a little different.
I was making it as a gift for Romeo’s daughter and I was using old Ralph Lauren shirts that her dad had “outgrown” , for my fabric squares.
Because I wanted to use the little “polo”, my squares were smaller, due to the way I had to cut this portion of the shirt out.
I had old seersucker jackets and pants that he had plus a few Polo’s.

Preppy man……
I opened the vinyl tablecloth and could NOT believe how big it looked on my kitchen floor.
I went back to Centsational Girls tutorial to make sure she used that big of a vinyl tablecloth.
She did : (
I began placing my teensy, tiny, little, wittle, fabric squares on my cloth…….
Then I really wanted to puke…..
Because I realized that I would have to cut 700 million more.
I did.
I also realized how smart she was by using 20×20 squares and how stupid I was to cut mine so small, just to have a stupid, dumb, doofus headed,  little Ralph Lauren pony pop up here and there.
Stupid head……..
I pulled out my NEW/USED sewing machine that I got off of Craigslist after my Miss Mustard Seed one was unfixable.
I have sewn in my younger days so I felt confident with this new machine, that  I would be able to use it easily. 
The fact that the man I bought it from, didn’t have the manual didn’t intimidate ME…..
I mean, I used my moms antique one growing up….how hard could this one be?
He also sold sewing machines…gave me his card….said  perfect working order and if any problems to bring back…..pretty good for cheap on Craigslist.
I wanted this post to be super impressive, so before I started sewing, I wanted to make sure I did things the right way this time.
I  even prepared myself and watched the tutorial on how to do perfect corners on my quilt……
Of course…… my eyes rolled back in my head when it started and I about went into a coma.
I need ADHD pills…..for real……

IT WAS SO BORING!
My mind could NOT grasp the details.
But I watched it again….three times……and felt pretty good about understanding it.
But here is where I think I should speed up my tutorial a bit.
This happened…. 
All of the thread was coming off of the spool like crazy!
I wasn’t even sure if it was supposed to be laying down but I felt like I was going to break it standing it up. The thread felt really thick too….maybe I got the wrong kind? It was with the quilting stuff???
Then the machine kept locking up……and an alarm was going off and all the lights would stay lit.
Only because this kept happening………
I wanted to pee-uke. (Without the pee)
Then after I hand rolled all of the bobbin thread back in it….because I wasn’t sure how to put thread on the bobbin…….. and I tried to follow that little photo on what to do with the thread coming out of the bobbin….I think I did it right?
This happened……..
This happened……twice.

Where the HA YECK did all of this thread come from?
I had just stinking started!

It was SO defeating.
This was to be “my time to shine”!
“My time” to start posting these projects like crazy!
“My time” to make you all weep with the precious way I had used my husbands old shirts for his daughters picnic blanket……
“My time” to shine was fading fast.
And my blood pressure was rising quickly.
So……….
This happened.
I had to fold up all of the 700 million squares in my vinyl tablecloth……
I have seen people do this with puzzles so I figured best way to transport…..
Yes….I transported it….I know….I’m a loser.
And I took it to my ever, faithful, seamstress.
The one that finished these when I was a FAIL at the sewing part….
And these when I about had a nervous breakdown on my Miss Mustard Seed Panels.
Moral of the story:
#2. I am going to find a sewing class.
For real.
#3. The Lord forgives and forgets promises that we may not be able to keep.
For real. Thank Goodness.
Most important moral…… 
As God is my witness, I am going to sew my Roman Shades!
I’m serious….I am NOT a quitter. I have got to beat this!
Lord help me! 
For real.
Anyone live close to the south and want to teach me how to sew?
~tap tap~
Anyone?
Thought we were friends people?
I will show you my finished product when Miss Sarah completes it.
It’s just not going to be the same : (
I’m not going to tell Romeo’s daughter that I didn’t finish it…….so neither do any of you…..got it?
Let’s just keep this secret here on this blog….. on the internet…… in private.
She doesn’t read it…so we should be safe.

Ok?
I’m sad……

And
Now Sarah just chuckles when I walk in her door…..what kind of respect is that?
I promised her I wouldn’t start my Roman Shades until she finished this picnic blanket.
She made me……Had to pinky promise her. 
Man….I must really worry her. That made me sad too.
At least she is merciful on me with charges.
I love that lady.
I want to impress her!
I want to impress you!
I want “MY SHINING MOMENT”!
I’m determined!
But just in case……..
Got any tips on them? I beg of you people!
Besides the sewing issues! : (
I mean this happens to everyone….right?
Can some of you tell what is going on by just looking at it?
I will call Ms. Paparazzi and promise her wine to help me……might take wine and chocolate…….
and promising to babysit her three children overnight…..and helping her de-clutter….
Dang….ya’ll have less strings attached….got any tips….know where I can get the manual for this?
I love you guys! You’re always there when I need you………….
Any ideas? Tips?
Love, 

0 thoughts on “Do you remember when I said……

  • April 14, 2011 at 1:36 pm
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    Oh, and I meant to say that the problem you might be having in that last picture might be because your machine isn’t threaded properly – or at least that has been my experience when that happens to me.

    If you lived closer we could totally get our sew on together.

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  • April 14, 2011 at 2:12 pm
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    Oh MY Gosh…. I am laughing so hard, I just spit out my coffee… 1st your preppy comment, & then the “stupid head”… : ) & THEN all of the sewing comments… you should write for real, for Jay leno…
    I am guessing that you can find a manual online… & if I was doing that project, I would not use quilting thread in the machine… just regular cotton or poly thread… & possibly it is threaded wrong…???
    If I lived anywhere near you, I would LOVE to give you a lesson or 2… It would be so much fun…possibly worth my drive from Michigan…just for the laughs we would have… good luck on the roman shades.. : )
    I will bewatching for it.. : )

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  • April 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm
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    #1… step away from the sewing machine
    #2… throw it away
    #3… use sewing glue instead

    Hope this helps!! :))))))))) Look… I think my smiley face needs a turtle neck!!! ONLY KIDDING!!! Love ya!

    Kendra

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  • April 14, 2011 at 3:21 pm
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    Two things….first, take your machine in to have it cleaned and checked. I found a sewing machine repair shop in my area by using the very old-fashioned phone-book. Who knows what happened to the machine before you got it???
    And second, you need something that keeps the thread on the spindle. My machine came with little felt pieces that slide over the spindle and up against the spool of thread so it spins but doesn’t wobble.

    If neither of those things help, be extra sweet and kind to your seamstress and go have a glass of wine….

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  • April 14, 2011 at 4:08 pm
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    Ok, dear, I would soo give you sewing lessons. If I can teach a bunch of 7 year olds I can teach anyone!
    Also, looks like you have the wrong thread. Just because you are making a quilt, doesnt mean you use quilting thread. That is usually used for hand sewing. Does it feel waxy?
    I use coats and Clark white or cream when piecing my quilts. I think it is 40weight. that is a good thread for piecing and quilting by machine.
    I would recommend trying to find a manual for your machine to show you how to thread it and wind the bobbin.
    You can get that mess you had at the bottom when your bobbin is not wound properly or your tension is off. You may need it serviced.
    And remember BREATH! it is frustrating and you may want to bang your head on a table or throw the machine into a highway and let an 18 wheeler take care of it. But the more you read your manual and get use to your machine ( because not all machines are the same) you wont have to use that blood pressure cuff.

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  • April 14, 2011 at 4:30 pm
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    That has happened to me SEVERAL times.. it is so frustrating! the problem with the thread coming out too fast I realized was because I didn’t have this little spool cap (http://www.thesewingoutlet.com/products/Spool-Cap-(Small)-986014033-%252d-Simplicity,-Singer,-White.html) on it that creates the tension… also I came to find out that the reason I had a million thread coming out of the back of my fabric was because I had the bobbin threaded wrong… As I’ve gone on with my sewing I’ve also noticed that if it doesn’t sew correctly or gets jammed is because I don’t have the top thread wrapped around something it should be… I hope you get it worked out!!! p.s. you can always look the manual up online to get more help… they’re so handy those manuals 😀

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  • April 14, 2011 at 5:52 pm
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    You crack me up. I will teach you to sew. When do you want me to come over? I will at least teach you how to thread a bobbin 😉 Of course I will have to teach you how to do it on my machine, so I don’t know it that will help much. I LOVE the idea of this project.

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  • April 14, 2011 at 7:48 pm
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    I live in the South! I am re-learning to sew…my hubby got me a Singer Simple for Valentine’s Day (I ASKED for it)!!! I learned when I was growing up but I have forgotten so much-I must say, though that I haven’t been brave enough to try the big projects that you have. Maybe you need to take some tiny litlle baby steps first! We could have sewing lessons & wine! It would be SO much fun! This post completely cracked me up…

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  • April 14, 2011 at 8:11 pm
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    three words: hot. glue. gun.

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  • April 14, 2011 at 8:12 pm
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    Rebecca,,,LOL!!! I don’t know where to start!!!
    I wish I lived in your area. I’m sure teaching you to sew would be the most fun.
    They say we all have 15 minutes of fame.
    I’m sorry but yours will not be in the sewing department.
    As mine will not be in spelling and grammar! LOL
    OK,,,
    Are your blinds going to be inside mount?
    Or outside mount?
    Let me say if there going to be inside mount “GOD HELP YOU”
    If they are going to be inside mount your windows need to be square!
    Not just kinda square! But square.
    If they are not the shades will not raise and lower correct. They will hang up on the sides and hang uneven.
    You only want to have ¼ inch space between the fabric and the window frame! If you leave more than that they will not look good.
    In short donate the sewing machine and CALL your seamstress!
    Becky ;~)

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  • April 14, 2011 at 9:22 pm
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    Becky girl…..what are we going to do with you!! You could mess up like that only if you really tried! I feel for you as the sewing machine I have was my mother in law’s and when we took it in to have it serviced the guy at Sears said he’d not seen one like that in 20 years!! It is made of lead I think it is soooo heavy! Anyway, she never had a bit of trouble with it but me……… I have messes like that quite often and…….no excuses I HAVE a manual!! I believe I’d try the lessons b4 the roman shades doll, or we’ll all have another Laugh Fest!! Good luck whichever way you go!! Take care, VBg
    P.S. You could come down to the beach and we could sit on the porch and talk about sewing while we drink wine!!

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  • April 15, 2011 at 12:02 am
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    ha! I don’t sew, but when I do a couple of things, I hate that whole “shred” thing and bobbin crap! 🙂

    Every time, how do I thread a bobbin again? 🙂
    I just say NO!

    Sandi
    http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com

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  • April 15, 2011 at 1:50 am
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    These I tried and failed posts are my favorite. So many people make things look so easy and you show how hard things really can be. I love that. We all struggle, but there is not a blogger out there who is more talented than you when it comes to writing about failures. I think your next giveaway needs to be Depends to save your readers furniture when they pee their pants from laughing at your humor. I gotta link this on my facebook. 🙂

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  • April 15, 2011 at 6:46 am
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    You’re my hero. Just looking at the sewing machine made me throw up in my mouth a little

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  • April 15, 2011 at 12:45 pm
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    I would love it if we could! I believe you are right about not being threaded properly. I intend to find the manual online this weekend. Thanks for always being there when needed ; ) Love, Me

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  • April 15, 2011 at 12:47 pm
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    Oh…..so it wasn’t regular thread……..didn’t know that. I knew it felt different…and yes, with all of the consensus on threading, I do think that is one of my major issues. Hey….I’m in Ohio today….too bad I didn’t bring my machine with me. I could just zip up to Michigan and get some help ; ) Love, Me

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  • April 15, 2011 at 12:48 pm
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    You know what Celia….there was a little plastic cap thing….I took it off because I didn’t know what it was. Plus I wondered if I was supposed to put the thread through the top of the cap…..I hope to have that all figured out by finding the manual online. Thanks! I think I will have the glass of wine anyways ; ) Love, Me

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  • April 15, 2011 at 12:50 pm
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    Cherie……7 yr olds=Me! I think you could too! I didn’t realize there are so many diff types of thread. This is getting more complicated as I go! You are right I am going to find a manual! Bang my head on the table is right and I was about at the point where I wanted to stick my face under the needle and hit the peddle….but I refrained. I will use the manual until you get an opening in your 7 year old class and I can head your way ; ) Love, Me

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  • April 15, 2011 at 12:51 pm
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    I put that little “spool cap” to the side because I didn’t think it was important. WRONG! I know I must have gotten the bobbin wrong as well. Plan to get the manual! Thanks! Love, Me

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  • April 15, 2011 at 12:52 pm
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    I can’t believe my BFF is on here and is offering to help me! Was it the promise of wine and chocolate to Lisa that lured you in ; ) I will take you up on your offer and so glad you LOVE the idea of this project even if it did make my squares so tiny! Love, Me

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  • April 15, 2011 at 12:53 pm
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    I thought that was baby steps….that is the sad part. You are sweet to even stop by and I hope you keep on commenting and coming by for visits! You are my Southern Bloggy Sister! Love, me

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  • April 15, 2011 at 12:55 pm
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    Oh MY GOSH!!!! You are FREAKING ME OUT! They were going to be inside mount! I know my windows are probably not square because alot of my stuff is off a tad!!!!!Becky please move to the south asap! I’m sure it won’t be an issue with your family. Love, Me

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  • April 15, 2011 at 12:56 pm
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    Sandi, You always make me feel normal. Wait a minute….I read your blog…..should I consider myself normal if we relate to each other? ; ) Love, Me

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  • April 15, 2011 at 3:05 pm
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    Rebecca, I’ve been looking for a reason to move and you just gave me one! LOL
    I’m sure my husband will TOTALLY understand my reason for moving!
    I’m going to have to think about how to present this to him.
    I’m sure it will start out with something like this.
    You know when we went on vacation last…LOL
    Have a great day, Becky ;~)

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  • April 15, 2011 at 3:47 pm
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    Well remember I am in NC… there is also the option of stopping by your local quilt shop to take some classes.

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  • April 15, 2011 at 8:38 pm
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    It‘s so nice that I found your blog about your link on ‘Chic on a Shoestring Decorating’. So I’ve scrolled a little and like what I see. Now I’m your new follower! 😉

    Take care
    Tine

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  • April 16, 2011 at 12:08 am
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    That stinks when the dang machine doesn’t work…..I’ve been sewing all my life and the machine has to be threaded correctly and you have to have the right thread, not quilting thread. It’s really quite simple. I wish I lived near you I would run over and get you started cuz it really is important to have the machine threaded right. I did read you have someone coming to your rescue so good for you. Don’t give up!

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  • April 18, 2011 at 10:50 am
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    The last picture is what happens to me every time I use a sewing machine. I can hand stitch like crazy, but get me anywhere near a machine and I think they know how much I hate them. The sad part, my mother was a seamstress extraordinaire and I can’t get the freaky machines to work. Good luck Darlin. I’m pulling for ya!

    Reply

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