D-I-V-O-R-C-E

I have recently talked Romeo into trying out Yoga.

dani-dave-yoga

He is being faced with a possible knee replacement AND rotator cuff surgery.

 practice-lunge-1

And

I’m fat.

So, my thoughts were…..

Let’s work on healing his body and see what route we need to take AFTER we see how his body responds to Yoga.

And

Hopefully, I will lose some weight.

He was a great sport about it.

And

Because I couldn’t fit into my clothes……..
Fat-Yoga

I found a Yoga for Newbies…..and signed us up.

We went this past Saturday…..

And it started with a long meditation and a  LONNNNNNNNGGGGGG article regarding Memorial Day and honoring our fallen soldiers.

I thought……

Wow…that is neat for newbies….but different?

So the class started…..

The lady started the class with instructions of movements and positions.

Did I mention that you are not allowed to talk during class?

Did I also mention that nobody else looked like they had picked up pink and purple Yoga blocks from Walmart on their way to class?
maxresdefault

Butclass began and the Yoga instructor was changing positions and not offering any explanations which was really bugging me.

I was thinking……what kind of newbie class was this?

Romeo literally had sweat pouring from every pore and I was stumbling everywhere like a ballerina with a broken leg.

Luckily…..we were in the back row with one other lady.

And

About halfway through the class they were hitting poses like this………

Ok….not exactly like this one….too funny to pass up…..

It was like this one.

And when she got to this point…she had them turn around….reverse their positions…..

Which meant….

Our back row…….


WAS NOW THE FRONT.

And I was like…… “what…. the…… heck????”

I wouldn’t even look at Romeo at this point because I knew he was literally going to kill me.

Besides….his shirt was up around his neck and covering his head…he wouldn’t have seen my glance.

Did I mention he didn’t tuck his shirt in like everyone else?

That was precious.

And a little violating.

The yoga instructor would walk quietly up to us while the others were locked into their advanced poses and whisper things like…..

“Are you doing ok?

“Everything alright?”

We would just whisper and mumble back to her that we were fine……

I WAS DYING.

And there was NO way I was going to admit that I couldn’t tackle the newbie class because I knew I would never get Romeo to come back.

They stayed in some weirdo pose FOREVER…….while Romeo heaved and laid against the wall.

And I weebled and wobbled like a ….well…..

Weeble wobble.

Woman Practicing Warrior Pose 3 Yoga Exercise

I knew I was dead meat………

While everyone else held this pose flawlessly, she then talked more about what being a warrior meant…..

What warrior pose three meant…….

And I was like……

Please, Lord….make this class end!

Please, Lord……keep Romeo alive!

Hangle Dangle

It was a FREAKING nightmare!

Towards the end of the class they have some kind of meditation thing and Romeo was literally snoring loudly while everyone else was breathing softly.

I wanted to kill him.

But I was glad to hear him breathing because I knew he at least wasn’t dead from the class.

So, I could kill him later.

I kept knocking his arm with my yoga block….because we were not allowed to talk…..and he would give me the “stink eye”, which meant….

“Woman….I endured this crap……let me sleep.”

Bonding….out.

It……. was……..precious.

We left class humiliated and talked about how difficult even beginner yoga was on the way home.

I kept encouraging him….encouraging myself….that we did great…….it wasn’t that bad……etc.

At home later that night…..the phone rang.

Me: “Hello?”

Her: “Hello, Rebecca?”

Me: “Yes?”

Her: “This is “yoga lady” from class”.

Me: “Oh…ummmmm hi”. (humiliated because I knew she was going to chastise me about our lack of yoga ability and disruption of class and I wondered what the heck this call was about)

Her: “It seems there was a mix-up. It didn’t hit me during classbut it did later this evening when I was going over the names of those that signed the register when coming into class”.

Me: “Uhhhhhh????”

Her: “You signed up online for the Yoga for beginners class didn’t you?”

Me: “Uhhhhhh….yeah”. (I have a way with words)

Her: “Well, that class was at our other location. You were in our Advanced Yoga class in honor of our armed forces…..this wasn’t the new to yoga class…. I was in the same row as you…..you poor things!”

Me: “Uhhhh…..ummmmmm……well……….we sorta’ thought it was neat to honor the veterans but wondered where the newbie part was going to come into play”.

Her: “Well, please tell your husband to give us another try. You two were good sports to try so hard and just so you know…..when you can’t get a pose you can fall into “childpose” or “mountain pose”.

Me: “Oh……so you are saying to not use the ‘lean against the wall pose’ or the ‘hang onto Romeo’s arm while trying to keep balance pose’ and definitely not to use the ‘keep tipping over so you rotate your arms like windmills to keep your balance pose?’ That wasn’t appropriate???”

Her: “hee hee“……(I wasn’t joking)

Her: “Well, I was thinking that it might be best if you two start with one of our instructors for a private lesson and she will help you get started”.

Me: “Sure”……..(I’m a dork! I’m a loser! )

Her: “Well….you two may want to soak in some Epsom Salts tonight because you really tackled some difficult poses. I couldn’t stop laughing tonight when it hit me what had happened.”

Me: “Oh…uhhhhh…thanks???”

yoga-funny-face

 

So, apparently we have been sent to a “special needs” yoga class.

I can say that…..I have a sister that is special needs.

But people………

Really????

I keep trying to help Romeo see how funny it is that we were in the advanced class by accident…….

For some reason……… he isn’t laughing.

For some reason…...I feel like a dork.

Why do I feel that this is the impression that we were giving off in class?

RedneckYogaClass

 

They didn’t charge us for the accidental class we attended and are discounting our “special” class they want us to attend.

Is it just me or do you think we have made quite an impression?

In a “not so good way”.

Did I mention the fact that once class was over and I finally got the guts to look at Romeo……

He mouthed the letters……

D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

So much for bonding.

That was just plain ugly.

So…..we may have been kicked out of that class…….but tomorrow……..

They are having a special class….for just us two…..(doofus heads)

We must have been awful!

Why can’t I be the really cool person just once?

Have you ever done yoga?

Have you ever thought about doing yoga?

I would love to know if I am the only one!

Wish us luck!

Love, Me

ps.

Help me build my facebook page! I have NO CLUE what I am doing with Facebook but I need you guys apparently ; )
Go to this link….right here…..and click follow, like or whatever it says!
If you know what I’m doing wrong ….tell me. Love you guys!

pps:
I’m linking up to:
http://chiconashoestringdecorating.blogspot.com/2011/06/flaunt-it-friday-57-and-introducing-my.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FSRimK+%28Chic+on+a+Shoestring+Decorating%29

0 thoughts on “D-I-V-O-R-C-E

  • June 1, 2011 at 3:07 am
    Permalink

    I’m sorry, but that is hilarious!  Don’t worry, I really really feel for you guys, but it’s still really funny.  And I DO think you were good sports.  And I think the “Yoga People” are trying to avoid a lawsuit since they almost killed Romeo. 

    Reply
  • June 1, 2011 at 4:05 pm
    Permalink

    O, my sweet little TALKS TOO MUCH…this is so funny, I was laughing out loud and I am the only one here. You need to start writing a book…it would be on the Best Seller List, I just know it. Gotta post this link on my blog so others can come over and read it. :)))

    Reply
  • June 1, 2011 at 4:32 pm
    Permalink

    Love the new layout. Fun and quirky!
    No i haven’t thought of doing yoga, thinking of all that bending makes my joints hurt. And I am sure HandsomeMan would not mouth that word he would SCREAM IT!

    P.S. I am sending you a versatile blogger award! Visit me here http://dragonfliezcreationz.blogspot.com/
    I love your blog!Cherie

    Reply
  • June 1, 2011 at 4:43 pm
    Permalink

    FUNNNNYYY!  I laughed all the way through.  Truthfully, you are a born comedienne — another Erma Bombeck for sure.  Have you ever thought of publishing some of this stuff?  You could think up new material with each “new position” in which you find yourself!!!  Loved the blog…

    Reply
  • June 1, 2011 at 5:17 pm
    Permalink

    I LOVE the new look of your site! It is so cute, I love the clean organized look of it! Great Job!!
    Is there a way to keep “Because it’s true #1” and #2 on your sidebar permanently? That way if I tell someone something about either one they can go to your current post and find them easily.
    Ohhhh. Emmm. Geee.!!!!!! You are killing me, I had to excuse myself from the room before I embarrased myself, I was laughing so hard!! I still think you missed your calling and should absolutely have your own TV show, write a book, (can you spell “Instant Bestseller?) or at least start writing articles for a magazine! If you can make us laugh out loud describing something that I feel was at least a little humiliating, not to mention painful for you both, then you have a real talent. I too have tried yoga, went to a class with my daughter, at her suggestion, and
    almost crippled myself trying to keep up!! I saw absolutely nothing funny about that but I bet
    you would have had a good story from the experience, especially the part where I, at the
    instructors insistence, tried standing on my head!! It must have been painful to watch!! I should mention my daughter did not insist I go with her after that one time!! Take care, VBg
    PS: did you get the pictures I sent you?

    Reply
  • June 2, 2011 at 1:48 pm
    Permalink

    You make me laugh so much that I cry! Love you!

    Reply
  • June 2, 2011 at 1:53 pm
    Permalink

    @0225635aba582754256db8d90fd9a26c  Don’t cry! I love you too! Come back and don’t be a stranger! I love your comments! Love, Me

    Reply
  • June 2, 2011 at 1:55 pm
    Permalink

    @4f7fb178b85c26a869b581b3a241d813:disqus  You are always so sweet. So glad you like the blog! The easiest way I could find for the Because it is true series is to put under inspiration. You can also click on that post title when you pull it up and it will give you a direct link. If you ever need help let me know. Your yoga story sounds like my life ; ) Your hydrangeas were UNREAL….they have inspired me to transplant and get more! I loved them! GORGEOUS! Love, me

    Reply
  • June 2, 2011 at 1:56 pm
    Permalink

    @29ceffbbcd3d9710fda09cb9d659e7b3:disqus  You are always so sweet and encouraging. I just love to hear from you! Regretfully….if this is what people want to hear….with my life….I will never run short of material ; ) Love, me

    Reply
  • June 2, 2011 at 1:56 pm
    Permalink

    @facebook-760724232:disqus  Thank you Cherie……I love hearing from you! I am going to have to buckle down and respond to your blogger award and pass it on! Love, me

    Reply
  • June 2, 2011 at 2:01 pm
    Permalink

    @864062ba487291d6ffa6c778d76a30e5:disqus  I love when you talk about me ; ) You are always so much fun to have come around.. You make my head swell. I am going to blame my big butt on your too ; ) Ok? Love, Me

    Reply
  • June 2, 2011 at 3:06 pm
    Permalink

    I have NEVER laughed so hard at a posting.  My husband had to come find out what was going on.  Your blog is the highlight of my daily readings so thank you so much.  Cheers, Cynthia from France and Nouvelle Zealand

    Reply
  • June 2, 2011 at 3:16 pm
    Permalink

    @b66c43f76531bb3b997092952de6cbf9:disqus  I don’t think you understand how much your comments are the highlight of my day! Honestly! And I feel soooooooo cool to have people reading in France and Nouvelle Zealand? Want a houseguest? I can teach you beginner yoga! ; ) Love, Me

    Reply
  • June 2, 2011 at 3:20 pm
    Permalink

    @864062ba487291d6ffa6c778d76a30e5:disqus  Quit giving me a big head. You can share me anytime! I just love when you stop by!

    Reply
  • June 2, 2011 at 7:58 pm
    Permalink

    So funny! I stumbled across your blog through my sister. Such hilarity! I could see something like this happening to myself. Such a fun read. Thank you! 🙂

    Reply
  • June 3, 2011 at 1:10 am
    Permalink

    I read it again, 11 hours later and I am still laughing and crying! I love your blog, you play with my heart and my soul. 

    Reply
  • June 3, 2011 at 1:56 am
    Permalink

    Meleofa….any girl that “stumbles” is a friend of mine! Don’t make this your last visit. We must be soul sisters….because this is just a day in my life ; ) Love, Me

    Reply
  • June 5, 2011 at 4:45 am
    Permalink

    this was hilarious!!  I am toying with the idea of going to a “hot yoga” class by my house.  They have unlimited classes for two weeks for $20 so I’m thinking of giving it a try.  The classes are 80 minutes long, so I think I might just go sit through one and see if I can even breathe my way through it…thanks for the laughs tonight!

    Reply
  • June 5, 2011 at 2:10 pm
    Permalink

    Hahahahahahaha….Oh man, somehow…we are related, I am not even kidding. You are 100% my long lost sister…

    Reply
  • June 12, 2011 at 12:17 pm
    Permalink

    LMAO!!!!!!!! I know everything your saying! Been there, done that! 3 friends and I went to a yoga class and did not know it was the end of a 6 week session! So we were trying to do advanced poses for the first time. I did better than my buddies, but only because I have done yoga before with an excellent teacher. Than they closed down the building she was teaching in and no more yoga. But really, go back because it is the best thing I ever did for my body and sleep.  It’s not just for the exercise, but for trained breathing, stretching and releasing the toxins in your body, reducing stress, and an all over calming of the body. I have fibromyalgia, where I have pain every where in my body along with other problems, and yoga helped me stay “loose”. I tend not to move much when I am at my worst.
    I loved your “rendition” of your session. And there is “NO WAY” my hubby would go.
    Can’t wait till your next adventure! 8>)

    Reply
  • June 15, 2011 at 6:31 pm
    Permalink

    That’s too funny.  I have never done yoga and now probably never will.  That picture of the Rasta-dude… I’m not sure whether I should be impressed… or whether I should go throw up!

    Reply
  • June 23, 2011 at 11:03 pm
    Permalink

    I’m not sure I’ve laughed that hard in a long time.

    Reply
  • July 22, 2011 at 3:05 am
    Permalink

    Oh my word…. I just craughed (cried and laughed) so hard reading this! So funny!! This is precisely why I refuse to partake in group exercise! I only tried yoga once… when I was about 7 months pregnant with my first child. I remember my biggest fear being that I might pass gas while contorting my preggo body into some of those configurations. The yogi kept talking about the beauty of natural childbirth, and how she’d given birth in her living room. I decided it really wasn’t my “scene.” My favorite part was sleeping during the meditation phase. Love that your husband was snoring!  

    Reply
  • December 8, 2011 at 3:52 pm
    Permalink

    Redneck Yoga – Priceless! I took one yoga class and it was not a newbie class…and several times the yoga instructor mentioned people looking around at other people in class and to not do it…well, that was me trying to figure out how to do the pose. I have not been back 🙂

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

14 + nine =