Messing up.

This post is not about decorating.

It is about parenting.

And sometimes……

I mess up.

Last night my son and I were in major discussion mode over several issues.

I explained that being a parent was tough….that I hated to nag and that if he would just do the things I asked without me nagging……well, then I wouldn’t have to nag.

Yeah……that seemed like it got through but it did the other million times I have said the same quote.

But eventually a part of our conversation turned towards the upcoming school year and how hard he needed to apply himself.

I reminded him that he is a Junior, so there can’t be any messing around with his grades.

And then he said this……..to a parent, we would call it, the stupidest comment in the world……..

“Mom…..I’m really not thinking about going into a career…..I would really like to concentrate on going pro with soccer instead….I don’t think I am really into engineering.”

Keep in mind that he had also just previously said the majorly intelligent quote of ….

“When I eat the food you prepare, you should know that I am thankful for it without me having to tell you every meal. In some countries, just eating it…….that shows you’re thankful. Maybe, I need to go live in those countries.”

So please keep that incredibly intelligent and respectful comment in your mind when he followed it up with this zinger when we started talking about grades.

Here is his comment again…..

“Mom…..I’m really not thinking about going into a career…..I would really like to concentrate on going pro with soccer instead….I don’t think I am really into engineering.”

And I said……what all parenting books say NOT to say….

“That is the stupidest comment I have ever heard.”

Yes, I did.

Call DSS.

I then followed it up with…..”Ask any professional ball player Challenger, and they will tell you that you still need to choose a career path because the sport success will only last so long”.

And then I followed up my first critical comment with…….

“Plus, what if you don’t ever reach the level of pro. What if you are not cut out for that level?  You may just be a really good soccer player……..

It hurts to even type that sentence.

That quickly.

I crushed his dreams.

That quickly.

His face changed…….

His reply was,

“Wow….my own mom doesn’t even believe in me.”

I did not mean the comment that way….I really didn’t.

But my careless words……

They crushed him.

I have been pondering all day today how I could have better handled that situation…….

And then I saw this video today on Design Moms blog…..

And I have watched and cried.

And cried and watched.

And cried.

Then watched.

And just plain cried.

And I sent the video to my son….apologizing and saying……

“Don’t you dare let me crush your dreams”.

“I am and always will be your biggest fan.”

“Go for it.”

“I love you, Mom”.

He wasn’t saying he wasn’t going to go to school…or not going to get a degree….my fear in parenting, immediately reacted.

He wasn’t even saying that……..

He just wanted to follow his dream….be supported at doing so…and at the same time getting his education.

Who am I to say he can’t achieve his dream?

Fears……insecurities…..bad parenting….lack of finances….lack of support……what people say…..none of that should hold us back from going for our dream.

And achieving it.

Watch this.

I still have so much to learn as a parent.

Please don’t call DSS.

Just yet.

Let me know your thoughts.

And his comment about living in another other country so he doesn’t have to say thank you….

Well…that WAS stupid.

The boy can say thank you.

Welcome to America.

Love,

Me (Mom)

0 thoughts on “Messing up.

  • August 12, 2011 at 7:27 pm
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    I don’t think you did any permanent harm 🙂 we all stick our foot in our mouth occasionally. I know I do…quite regularly! 
    What a video. loved it!

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  • August 12, 2011 at 7:33 pm
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    I think that parenting is cumulative.  So, one conversation I might regret but it’s our day-to-day relationship that speaks louder.  🙂  I agree with Brandiu and don’t think you did any permanent harm. 

    That video did make me cry!!!  It is so beautiful and inspiring!!!  Thank you so much for sharing it and I will share it on Facebook to pass on the blessing!! 🙂

    Reply
  • August 12, 2011 at 9:17 pm
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    You know what…you did a great job!  You came back and said, I screwed up.  That might be the best lesson we can all teach our kids.  We can make mistakes and still be wildly successful at whatever we do.  All the uber-successful people know that little secret because they have failed many more times that most of us have the guts to even think about trying.  

    Congrats to you for encouraging your son to go after his dream…the fact that he is considering doing so is a great testament to your parenting.

    May he be the next David Beckham!!! 

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  • August 12, 2011 at 9:24 pm
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    Oh my God!!  I wrote the first comment before I saw the video.  I am still wiping away the tears.  That is the most inspiring thing I have ever watched.  Thank you so much for sharing it!!

    Much…much love!!!

    Reply
  • August 12, 2011 at 10:44 pm
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    Beautiful lesson learned…Awesome video!  Thank you for inspiring my day.  You are a very perceptive Mother.  Your children reflect and will pass on the love you are giving them.  Love you thought process…

    Karol

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  • August 12, 2011 at 11:23 pm
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    The video was awesome.  Very touching.  Right now, I just go with my 7 year old son saying he’s going to be a professional baseball player.  However, I’m sure if he were older, I would have reacted the same way.  I will try to keep this in mind for years later! 🙂

    Sandi
    http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
    lake Forest, CA

    Reply
  • August 13, 2011 at 2:19 am
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    As a mother of a 14 year old, I understand your fears!

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  • August 13, 2011 at 12:30 pm
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    @2aad5a002abb8914737cc9467c2d393c  Thank you Brandiu. My foot seems to live in my mouth….isn’t the word permanent harm so scary when it ocmes to parenting? : ( Such a tough job sometimes……loved the video as well! Share it around. Keep stopping by. Love, Me

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  • August 13, 2011 at 12:31 pm
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    @google-52faabeebef2417daf30cb1c30c1d56b:disqus  That is what I am praying! Thank you for your encouragement and thank you for passing it on and sharing! Love, Me

    Reply
  • August 13, 2011 at 12:32 pm
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    @5db7096e1edf99ef09eb7242bfddc23b  Thank you for encouraging! He may be the next David Bechkam or maybe even the next Bill Gates ; ) Can’t blame a mom for wanting it both ways can you ? : )
    Love, Me

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  • August 13, 2011 at 12:32 pm
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    @5db7096e1edf99ef09eb7242bfddc23b:disqus  I know! I’m worried some won’t watch it…..it is so impacting isn’t it? Please share the post….that video is so inspiring to young and old. Love, Me

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  • August 13, 2011 at 12:33 pm
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    @29ceffbbcd3d9710fda09cb9d659e7b3  I love hearing from you again. You are always so sweetly encouraging. Thank you! Love, Me

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  • August 13, 2011 at 12:34 pm
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    Wasn’t it sweet? They go so fast from 7 to 16 you won’t believe it. Please learn from my mistakes! I make plenty to go around! Love, Me

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  • August 13, 2011 at 12:35 pm
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    @46c25505cc4d04458612652e8c88dceb:disqus  I could do a whole series of posts of breaking free of parenting out of fear alone…..it is tough! Thank you for stopping by! Love, Me

    Reply
  • August 13, 2011 at 12:38 pm
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    @91bc00a2792a5fc3e8eefe978dfb2336  A guy! Yay! I needed that perspective. I went to your blog and I am going to get the book that you highly suggested and give it to my son…thank you for stopping by. Hope you intend to stay around! Would love your insight. Love, Me

    Reply
  • August 13, 2011 at 8:13 pm
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    Oh, bless your sweet heart (again).  I agree with Kurt….and everyone else!  You are your toughest critic.  The video was beautiful and if your son watches it…and reads your comment to him….you’ve made your comeback.  Quit beating yourself up.  And guess what?  I’ll pray for you!

    Reply
  • August 14, 2011 at 12:24 am
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    Don’t beat yourself up..most of us (at least me) have been there, done that! The video and your apology were great, said it all. My son is in his 20s and I still sometimes say more than he wants to hear! It’s all in the name of love, and if they have enough love, they know that! That video is incredible and you sound like a great mom. By the way, love your blog!

    Reply
  • August 14, 2011 at 3:49 am
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    We’ve all done it probably more than once…but you did the hard part, going back and saying I was wrong and I’m sorry… I’m coaching soccer again this year for 8-11yr olds so will be sharing the video w/my Yellowjackets (who won their 1st game today 5-1)

    And there is a great bood called the Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson (in several versions) if Challenger is serious then it would help him & you create a plan to do just that…Beckham was once a junior & probably felt about the same as Challenger…you never know..

    Speaking of that book ,it’s time to reread it again for myself since I’m starting on a New Dream Journey :)  

    Thanks for “Talking too much” and sharing your real self

    -Amy 

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  • August 14, 2011 at 3:54 am
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    @df06828353520f162dc9b885c0311a1b:disqus  Thank you for your encouraging words….and I always COVET any extra prayers! That is priceless…….Love, Me

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  • August 14, 2011 at 3:55 am
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    Wasn’t that video awesome?! Thank you for your encouraging words and letting me know that I am not the only one! Love you stopping by! Love, Me

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  • August 14, 2011 at 3:57 am
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    Thank you! Congratulations on their first win!!!!! That is such a sweet age and stage! I am so glad you can share the video and am going right now to Amazon and picking up the Dream Giver book. That will be right up his alley! Good luck on your new “dream journey”.  Thanks! Love, Me

    Reply

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