I was recently told….
“Girl, your life looks awesome and perfect ! I love reading your blog but it makes my life feel so boring!”
Those words are devastating to me.
I immediately responded.
“Well, that is not a true description of my life. I want you to know that. I am blessed…..I am……but I have ups and downs. I have sorrows….fears….heartbreak……and I want you to know that if you feel like my life is perfect……it is NOT.”
My readers have grown by leaps and bounds…..and I am humbled.
I am thankful.
But when I hear comments like that……I want you all to know something….even if it means I may lose readers that want fairy tales.
My life is NOT a fairytale.
I am blessed….I am happy….I have PEACE….
But there are times of pain and heartbreak in my life and I just don’t want to mislead anyone reading this blog by making it look always perfect….because that would not be true.
Many of you have been around for awhile and remember the heartbreak my cousins family went through not too long ago.
After getting off of the phone with her last night..(they are healing…they are comforted by TRUTH and PEACE, just so you know, thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement)
But after talking to my cousin and we were discussing how Facebook can be so pretend…..we put on these pretend happy faces that all is good….when there can be pain behind those status updates.
That’s how blogs can be.
I want this blog to be a place of laughter, peace but also encouragement in all areas of life.
And I felt the need to re post this previous post….for all of my new readers.
And a reminder for us all.
This blog will be a fun place to land….it will be….and I am blessed……but you must know….
My life isn’t perfect.
None of our lives are perfect…….
Many of those that commented on this post…they have their own hugely successful blogs….and they have experienced pain.
You need to know that.
Because that is true.
I love you all and wish you a restful Sunday.
If you struggle finding PEACE……..email me……..
I don’t want to run any painful experience in the ground…….
But I don’t take blogging about my life lightly.
I want you to know that I love showing you the neat things I have going on…..
But I also want you to know that my life is not perfect.
Because that is true.
Here is the past post and I have pasted all of your comments below the post for others to be encouraged by your words. I love you all.
Please do not focus any comments on me……this post is about all of us…..
May our words be encouraging to others that may be feeling hopeless….worn out or discouraged.
Direct your words to them…….
I hope our bond, our coming together on this blog…can be more than just DIY stuff…..
Because that is true.
I have struggled with this post.
I have struggled, because of my choice to have my blog be a place where we can all come and just, relax, laugh and share.
I have struggled because of the growing numbers of readers.
Even over a thousand or two in one day at times……
It is humbling…..it is scary.
I have struggled because in portraying only the funny times…..
I worry that you do not know that in my own life…..there were times, I could not laugh.
And I have struggled because I don’t want you to believe that I haven’t had to experience all seasons.
I struggle because I know that if you believe you are the only one that is right now experiencing pain or loss or financial despair or death or sickness or heartbreak, then you will believe the lie…..
That you are all alone.
I have struggled because this real life post, hits in between a “giveaway” and a regular post.
I have struggled although I know that real life “hits” us the same way.
A phone call, comment, situation hits us right in the middle of “real” life.
When we least expect it.
A new season begins.
And although the timing seems wrong in between these posts…..I know that is what makes it so right.
I struggled…. because if I share the season in which I am in right now….today.
It is NOT funny.
It is desperately sad.
It is heartbreaking.
It is a crushing heartbreak, for close members of my family.
But it is the truth.
And to tell you the truth….you must know this weekend I hugged my cousins goodbye.
I hugged a man that will never be able to hold his 35 year old daughter again in this life.
I hugged his wife as she held their grandson who is less than one year old….
I watched a beautiful….heartbroken fifteen year old daughter sit on the floor with her cousins.
I struggle sharing this because it is so deeply personal….
So deeply opposite of what this blog is “about”……..
Such bad timing…..but real.
And I know in my heart, that if you are reading my blog and believing my life is perfect or always funny…….
Then you are believing a lie.
And you feel that you are all alone.
And to the know the truth…..
You must know,
I struggled, because this past weekend…..
The father that I hugged…..his 35 year old daughter…..she ended her own life.
And the 15 year old with her cousins……her daughter.
The grandson in the lap of my cousin…..her baby.
And at the moment that her life ended,
I am sure she believed…. that she was all alone.
That the world would be better off without her.
In the moment…
It was so real to her…….so crushing…so desperately lonely…….that she believed it.
And it was not the truth.
It was not the truth.…….
I wish I could have told her the truth.
I don’t know that she would have heard me.
And I don’t know that if you are hurting, that you will hear me.
But I must take this “chance“…..because you have been listening to what I have been saying.
I must tell you the truth.
This blog will be a safe place for us all to land.
A place where we can laugh.
But at this moment.
You must know this.
If you are hurting in any way…….
You are not alone.
I have felt and lived those seasons.
And they are seasons……
There were times when I heard the “whispers of defeat”.
When I felt all alone.
But I held onto the TRUTH.
I want you to know the truth about this blog.
I can make you laugh…..but I cannot bring you JOY.
I can give you a safe place to land…..but I cannot give you PEACE.
I can encourage you.….but I cannot give you true HOPE.
And if you are in the waves of life right now……and sometimes it feels like you can’t get a good breath….or as if you are being pulled under and you are too tired to fight life anymore…
And maybe…you will hear the TRUTH of this blog.
You are not alone.
And if you believe anyone would be better off without you.
Then listen to me.
This past weekend…..I saw the faces of those that would cry out to you and say……
That is a lie.
And you are not alone.
I have never asked any of you to forward out any of my post but if you know of one person that is feeling pain…despair…..or that may feel they are all alone……
Please share this with them.
If you have ever experienced pain in any way. Loneliness or just hurt……your comment may comfort others.
This post may be for you, right now in “your” season……
This post may be for you to comfort others in theirs.
My hope is that we can tell them together.
That we can share more than laughter.
My prayer today…. is that this blog becomes not only a place for us to laugh but a place where we can heal.
Please forward, comment, share, post, link, or do whatever you can to get OUR message out.
I believe it is why we met.
To my family that gave me permission to post this…so that others may know they are not alone.
I love you.
I’m so sorry, my heart goes out to your family. You have written an amazing and heartbreaking post that I am sure will touch many out there.
My heart also goes out to you and your family! Awesome heartfelt post. You can always make me laugh, but I know you do face many seasons in your life the same as the rest of us. Thank you for sharing in your sorrow as well as your humor….it does make you “real” and I appreciate your honesty. God is AWESOME and I know he will heal the pain of your loss.
At The Picket Fencewrote:
Oh Rebecca. My heart aches for your family and for the loss of a daughter and mother. There are so many hiding their hurt, feeling all alone. Thank you for sharing these heartfelt words of pain but also comfort for someone out there right now that needs to hear…really hear..this message! My prayers are with your family. May God bring comfort to these children and give strength to their grandparents. Praying for you for your loss and that God will use your words to comfort others!
Nordic Girl 2(unregistered) wrote:
I am so sorry for your loss! I understand the heartbreak of losing someone to suicide and have been on the other side of the fence in wanting and attempting it. I know people think that if they keep telling someone that they aren’t alone, that that will help. Unfortunately when you are in the depths of depression, nothing anyone says will help. It’s a hard lesson for families to learn, but the only real help they can give is to make sure if they see anything like this behavior, get them to a doctor at once. Even if they complain or fight about it. Get them to a professional! Listen to their fears and actually listen to them! Again I am so sorry to hear of another young person taking their life, especially when they had so much to live for. My prayers are with you and your family at this hard time! Know your friends are thinking of you.
Tracy’s Trinkets and Treasures
I am so very sorry for you and your family. The grief of a suicide is such a difficult thing. I know because at the age of 47 my mom ended her life. I was 29 years old. If you or your family need to talk to someone who has been where you all are now let me know. It takes a long time to grieve a suicide and it must be done or it explodes down the road. I am so glad you are open about it. Hiding it makes it even worse on everyone. Hugs.
So Very, very sorry. So terribly tragic. My heart breaks for that young mom & now your family as you grieve for her. I will be praying for all of you.
Thank you for posting such a heartfelt post, here’s hoping that your words will touch just that certain someone who needs to hear they are loved.
Sweetie, I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there too, not so long ago. Wanting to end it all. Been in the area of my life that I wish to put behind me, and not think of it again. However, I know that it will never happen and that I am now thankful for all of my days here on this Earth and with my family. My thoughts go out to you and yours in these trying times. Big Hugs, C
Rebecca, I got home this afternoon and thought I would take a moment and have a pop and see what you had to say today.
I wasnâ€™t expectingâ€¦I had to back up and reread to make sure I was reading it right.
As I type this it makes me think the things we blog about or read about on others blogs are really meaningless in lifeâ€™s picture.
Some of us know this kind of loss; I pray that if you can reach just one, some other family will not know this loss.
So with this comment I want to thank you for letting everyone, someone, or only one know that they are not alone.
My deepest heartfelt thoughts for you and your entire family.
As I end my day, just before I sleep, I will whisper a prayer for all.
Love you, you know my heart is right there with you any time you need a hug.
My heart goes out to you and your family. This is a story very close to home…thank you for sharing something so painful and personal…it will stay with me always. Prayers to you and your family.
Oh Rebecca, I just read this and seriously felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. I am a 35 yr. old mom and understand what a slippery slope loneliness, isolation and depression can be. I just cannot imagine what you are all going through and will absolutely be praying for her family. And I will just say this…when our lives are about so much more than decorating and laughing and crafting, our blogs have to be so much more than that too. The good stuff…the tragic stuff…the loss…the struggles. I don’t want our blog to be just about surface-y things because that isn’t really who we are. Thank you so much for sharing this with us and letting us be apart of the journey with you.
May God surround you with His peace and comfort during this time,
Words of consolation seem so empty at times like this – when life ends suddenly, unexpectedly and for seemingly no reason. For accidental deaths, or deaths from illness, families can find closure, but from suicide there seem to always be unanswered questions and long days and nights of “if only”.
I have experienced this kind of depression. I know what it’s like to plan and to attempt. For some reason that I cannot explain, God spared me and delivered me from not only those thoughts but from the illness itself. And I am grateful. My husband also experienced this, planned, attempted and almost succeeded, but God interveened and we were spared this kind of special and different grief. But for the grace of God, I would have walked where all of you are walking.
My prayer for you and your family is that you will remember that the daughter, mother, cousin, friend was not in her right mind. She was not thinking clearly and was not herself. She had been taken over by the illness and the deceit that depression can and does provide. Who but God can completely understand the human body, for He created it.
Thank you for being “real.” So many people aren’t real anymore and to me being real with others is so important. Superficial is not what I am seeking. I’m seeking real life and real people who experience joys, sorrows, disappointments, even stunning loss. I find that here on your blog. I read your links to stories of your life. I loved the beach one, with the weights for fishing. So many times I choose to fight the riptides and end up in the turbulent water instead of letting go and allowing God to take me to the calm,
May you and your family feel the arms of Almighty God around you. May He provide all of you with the peace that you seek. May the intercessory prayers of others give you, through the Holy Spirit, all the power and provision from God that you each need to face each day as it comes.
You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (Isaiah 43:1b-3a)
I don’t know how to change the post name – but this is Paula and not Jennifer from Southern Shop Girl/Lulu’s.
K. The littlest Crafter(unregistered) wrote:
My heart goes out to you and your family in this time of sorrow. You have my sincere condolences. Thank you for sharing your personal and real story.
Rebecca… I’m so sorry. My aunt through marriage had a son (I didn’t know him) who ended his life… during the time we were deep into the recession… he left behind a wife and kids, too. I see the hurt in her face when she talks about him… it’s just so very sad.
Letting you know I’m thinking about you… lifting your family in prayer…
Karol Harlan(unregistered) wrote:
Dear, sweet Rebecca.
Your loving, caring words have touched us all while lifting our spirits to a higher place of deeper thought and understanding. Trying to comprehend the depth of hopelessness and despair that is this depressive state of being is extremely difficult. Only God knows the true extent of helplessness some of our fellow human beings endure.
You have a wonderful way with words to express those feelings most of us are unable to describe. We feel, but there are no words…
Thank you for sharing your grief this day. May all of your family be blessed with the healing comfort of the Holy Spirit. Just be aware that all is well in Heaven and we can be grateful that our Father in Heaven is always there for us. May His blessings flow to you and your family. You are much loved and appreciated.
With heartfelt empathy,
Crying too hard to write much. My prayers for all concerned….
I am so very sorry for your entire family. Erin Trainor
Thank you for sharing the harder parts of your life with us. We all hold you with grace and love, and trust that your family is carried by angels as you walk thru this transition without your cousin, daughter, mother.
God’s peace be with you.
I am so very sorry for your tragic loss…I cannot imagine the loss that you all must be feeling. I don’t know what else to say except I will be lifting you & your family up in my prayers. Thank you for sharing with us. I pray that you all have the strength to get through the difficult days ahead.
Words fail me Rebecca, they really do. I could go on about how I have been there, done that but nothing I write could compare with the emotion and wisdom you have put into this post. My thoughts are with you and your family over the loss of a loved one and in such awful circumstances. My 32 year old nephew took his own life last year by setting fire to the house and locking himself in. My sister (his mum) had passed 23 hours before. I know grief and I have lived greif so nothing I say will have an impact right now. I just want you to know that what you have written today WILL have impact. I will forward this to as many people as I know – whether they are hurting themselves or know someone else who is. This has touched my heart in ways I cannot ever express – thank you for writing this – YOU ARE LOVED
I’m so sorry for your loss Rebecca. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I will share this post in hopes it may help someone who needs it. Thank you and thanks to your family for allowing you to share this painful time with your readers.
Take care, Vbg
I wish I could do something for you, in a moment like this. Our family struggled, and still struggle, with the loss of my only brother at the age of 20 (3 years ago). He fell of a high cliff during an evening walk by the ocean and was not found until the day after. Not alive. Feelings that I had and still have, as well as the way you are feeling now, are just plain painful. I also think that when someone like you and me, and everyone else that have experienced something this painful, go through something like this, we all start to really appreciate the small things. “Cause it seems like it is the small things that makes the day. So, every little thing that you write on your blog, and I write on mine, may to others be minor things to be joyful about, while we appreciate them the most. I love your blog. You make me smile and giggle. I hope your family will be able to work through your loss. I’m thinking of you all.
I am so sorry for what your family is going through. Last year, a woman who had been my co-worker several years ago, ended her life at 36. She was the bubbliest, happiest person I knew when I worked with her and had no idea there was all this “stuff” going on beneath the surface. She left behind many many people who loved her and would do anything to have her back. Thank you for posting this — I hope it will help someone. Love to you and your family.
I’m linking up to:
PPS. If you are reading this past post, there are more current posts and I would love for you to catch up. Follow us on facebook or sign up for emails. If this post touched your heart in any way …..please share it with others. Maybe it will encourage them.
I would love to hear from you. Love, Me