Yoga Out Loud 2 (The Beginner, The Crow and The Tic Tac)

The Beginner, The Crow and The Tic-Tac’s.

Part One
The Beginner
There once was a girl who started the Yoga class for beginners.
Let’s give this girl a name. A pretend name. I think she would rather that.
Let’s call her Reba.

Reba loved the beginner classes. Trish, her teacher, was awesome. The class wasn’t boring and really tackled some “real” yoga poses, which Reba liked. Reba is easily bored.
Reba was learning a lot and loving class so much, she decided she was ready for a more advanced class.
Reba decided to attend the “Stretch and Strengthen” class that YOGA in the FOREST offered.
Reba liked the teacher named Sue. Reba also knew that there was going to be people in the class at ALL kinds of levels, so she wouldn’t feel like the only “newbie”.
And now that Reba  had “Yoga for Beginners” under her yoga belt….she was ready for a more advanced class.

What kind of things had Reba learned in beginners class that would help her with this class?
Reba is going to share that wisdom with you.
Her new knowledge…her insight from beginners class.
Because there was only one thing Reba worried about happening in this advanced class.
Reba was really, really worried about this ONE thing.
But, with her beginner class knowledge, she had a plan.
Reba was ready.

Part 2
The Crow
 
Reba wasn’t ready for this.
This is called “The Crow”.

Reba wasn’t ready for this at all.

But when this happened to Reba in class…..
Reba wasn’t stressed about this. Other people were having a difficult time with this pose too.
This pose, that Reba wasn’t ready for, this wasn’t worrying Reba.
This kind of pose wasn’t what Reba was worried about at all.
This wasn’t what she was using her beginners class wisdom for.
If that pose didn’t stress Reba out, wasn’t what worried her, what would?
I mean…Reba was only a beginner.
What had Reba worried about in this more advanced class you ask?
Well, Reba is going to tell you what she had worried about.


Reba worried about this.

Shavasana
The easy and favorite part of the class to many.
The “corpse pose”. That definition alone is enough to sort of freak Reba out.
Shavasana signals the end of the class.
The relaxing part to most class members….but to Reba…….shavasana is all she was worried about.
Reba learned in beginners class, that many times in Shavasana, the teacher has you breathe deeply.
She has you inhale completely, filling up your lungs….then she has you blow that air out of your mouth, to expel all the “old” breath. The teacher does this several times with the students. She wants clean, fresh air in your lungs.
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What was Reba worried about during Shavasana?
Well,  Reba worried about “that old dirty breath” that she was supposed to be blowing out of her mouth and into the class.
And Reba is going to tell you something……… 
A secret.
Reba faked blowing the breath out of her mouth when everyone else did it.
In every single class, Reba had been faking and blowing it out through her nose, instead of her mouth……. but she opened her mouth….pretending. 
Why?
Because Reba was afraid blowing her “old, dirty, lung breath” out of her mouth, was…..well…. 
Maybe stinky.
Reba didn’t want people thinking she had “stinky, old stuck in her lungs, smelly breath”.  

So, equipped with her beginner class knowledge, Reba was ready to make sure she didn’t have to be worried anymore.
Reba felt so smart.
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Part 3 The Tic Tac

With her plan Reba felt so smart, that is, until this “crow” pose happened.
Why would this bother Reba if this wasn’t what she was worried about???
Because Reba’s plan….the one where she was going to make sure she didn’t blow stinky breath into class……
That plan went bad when Reba had to attempt this pose.
Because Reba had smartly planned to mask her stinky breath, at the appropriate time, with tiny tic tac’s.
And Reba had those tiny tic tacs in a place that she could get them easily and without anyone noticing.
Reba hid them in her “folded-over-waistband of her yoga pants”.
And when this happened…..when this pose was attempted…….


A smart plan….. went stupid.

 

They were “plinking” out of her “folded-over-waistband of her yoga pants”, like a penny jackpot in a slot machine.
They were “plinking” out of her waistband, and slipping out at the same time that Reba’s teacher was doing the pose right next to her,  to help her.
And all Reba could think about….while trying to attempt the pose….
All Reba could think about, were the tic tac’s, that looked as big as horse pills, “plinking” out of her “folded- over-waistband of her yoga pants” and onto her mat.
Reba couldn’t even concentrate on the pose.

Reba quickly attempted this pose and was relieved when her teacher moved to another area of the classroom. Reba’s attempt was rather comical but Reba wasn’t even worried about that. All Reba could think about was the “HORSE SIZED” tic tac’s now scattered on her mat.
Reba then had to put her feet on her tic tac’s, sliding her foot casually around the mat to gather them.
AND Reba had to keep them under her feet for what seemed like hours during several poses, to hide them. Reba knew that her patient, beginner teacher Trish and the kind, Yoga in Common owner Linda and a pretty, gorgeous, perfectly toned, experienced yoga girl….that they were all on mats behind her and they may see what happened. There was no way she was going to gather the scattered tic tac’s and let them see that! 
So, Reba kept them under her feet.  It was hard to do the additional poses all while maneuvering sticky tic tacs under Reba’s feet. But Reba was determined.
Soon Reba was able to slide, the “now sticky tic tac’s”, under her mat until after class.
Reba knew very well that she could not eat them, although she still pondered it.
And during shivasana….because Reba’s tic tacs were under her mat…..like lumps the size of boulders…Reba could only think about her tic tac fiasco.
And when it was time to inhale and exhale the old breath….because of her now inedible tiny tic tacs….. Reba had to “pretend” blow the “stinky” breath out of her mouth….again.
And during the rest of shivasana…when she was supposed to be NOT thinking…..Reba couldn’t stop thinking that MAYBE  her teacher HAD seen her “plinking” tic tac’s falling from her yoga pants.
Reba thought…. what if, while the tic tac’s were spilling out of her yoga pants, her sweet teacher Sue, was puzzled…… and what if, even at that quiet shivasana moment…. what if her teacher was thinking that “poor beginner Reba” must have a major halitosis problem?
Reba finished that class and got out of there.
Reba was embarrassed.
But what is plaguing Reba most….
What Reba can hardly stop thinking, now that the class is over and Reba is safely home.
What is keeping Reba from sleeping tonight.
Is….
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Oh my.
Oh.My.Dear.
What if?
What if…Reba’s teacher wasn’t worried about halitosis??????!!!!!!!
What if ??  What if.…..Reba’s teacher thinks Reba had tic tac’s…….. in her underpants?
They looked like they were “plinking” out of her yoga pants…. 

Which houses her “underpants”!! 

What if Reba’s teacher saw that and thinks Reba has a weird smelly problem?????

And was trying to mask that problem with tic tac’s!!!!!!!!

Reba is humiliated.


 

Which is why Reba wanted you to know her story about the beginners class, the crow and the tic tac’s.
Reba doesn’t want you to ever worry that you will feel out of place in class. Reba is apparently going to take care of that for everyone…..IN THE WORLD, by doing ANYthing that could make ANYone, feel like a yoga dork.
And Reba also wants you all to know why she may have to now sell her house and move from the country.
And if she doesn’t move from the country and goes back to class, she wants her teacher to know why tic tac’s were “plinking” from her WAISTBAND in her yoga pants and she wants her teacher to know that they were NOT “plinking” out of her “underpants”. 

Reba just wants her to know that.


The end.



Love,


Reba
Me

PS. This is from the Yoga Out Loud Series, that I (Reba-Rebecca) am writing and sharing, chronicling my true experiences at learning Yoga. I would love for you to join me!!!! You can follow this link to find the class schedules for Yoga in Common or Yoga in the Forest. Click “here”. I would love to meet you!


ps. If you have any “funny” or “embarrassing” stories that you would like to share that happened to you during yoga or an exercise class…. Reba would really, really appreciate it. You can comment right  here.  Love, Reba

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